In a recent episode of Scotch & Smoke Rings, I was asked for my opinion on pornography which I duly gave. Since many were curious, I want to take a moment to explain my stance fully, which is that porn and masturbation are not classy–not for any moral or ethical reason, but because it isn’t manly, it’s fake, it’s easy to obtain and those who use them tend to be pitiful. I believe that men who view pornography and masturbate have failed to attain when men evolved instinct to obtain, and are therefore failed men.
They are pathetic in the true sense of the word and are the perfect examples of un-classyiness, as I lay out in my manifesto on class. Since this stance is, I’m sure, very troubling to some, I’ll elaborate at some length using big pictures of fuzzy dogs.
The first thing many anti-porn people will do is mention how it is morally wrong, a sin and so on. I’m not even going to go there. It’s not a compelling argument if we don’t share morals. Instead, my argument starts as an evolutionary one. It is an argument about the differences between a man and a beast.
Animals Don’t View Porn
Our animal desire is to have sex. Any animal that satisfies that desire in any way besides having sex has failed as an animal. The dog humping your leg has failed in its attempt at copulation. It may (or may not) be satisfying a primal urge, but a few things are certain; it is confused and its instinctual, evolved behaviors have failed to obtain sex. Even so, it at least tries for the real thing. It doesn’t view porn.
From a Darwinist perspective, any man masturbating to porn is a failed human animal. It evolved to crave sex, but it can’t get any so it watches porn and masturbates.
Some may counter that at least by masturbating and looking at pornography, one is satisfying a need. A man is getting a release, relaxing, enjoying himself and having a harmless good time. I will counter that any enjoyment had pales compared to the real thing. Masturbation and porn are the tofu-turkey of Thanksgiving dinner. It may taste close to the real thing, but it’s not real and may make you just a bit sick.
Porn, Like Tofu, Isn’t Satisfying
While never really satisfying, some unclassy people may be content with porn. These same people may also be content spending their lives giving limp-wristed handshakes and never making eye contact with an actual girl. The rest of us have ambition and want to make something of ourselves. We’re not satisfied with the status quo, nor with anything fake. We want the best, we want something lasting, and we want something real.
Many studies and much anecdotal evidence shows that porn and masturbation are not satisfying. Marina Robinson and Gary Wilson over at Psychology Today explain the phenomenon like this (let me paraphrase): the animal mind knows that porn and masturbation are not real and that seeds, so to speak, have not been planted. The human animal’s circuitry therefore deprives the body of the many benefits that come from real sex from within a loving, monogamous relationship in an effort to compel the human animal to find the real thing. Thus, the man expends himself one day, goes to bed unhappy and unsatisfied, and returns to the same behavior the next day in a fruitless effort to find satisfaction.
Here’s where marriage comes in, and may be a key piece to why marriage evolved in the first place–married people get more sex. Many studies show that married men have more sex than anyone–including live-in boyfriends and girlfriends and bachelors ‘on the prowl’. Sex within marriage is more enjoyable and married people get more of it, according to a myriad of different studies.
Psychology Today (linked above) sums it up like this:
In general, extramarital sex is not as good as marital sex. On average, married couples have more sex than any other group.
Pornography and masturbation are easy to get and, like sex outside of marriage, ultimately unsatisfying. Thus the human animal who watches porn has failed on two fronts–it has failed to obtain actual sex and it has failed to find lasting enjoyment, comfort and love.
Porn is Pitiful & Pathetic
When you witness a starving man lusting over bread in a store window, what do you feel? Pride? Satisfaction? Most of us would feel pity. We pity the poor man who is so starved of that basic, animal need that he lusts hopelessly over an image. Therefore, calling a man who watches pornography pitiful is apt–that observation should evoke pity. The man is pitiful, not because he is wrong, unethical, or because he is hurting someone. No, he is pitiful because he just can’t get the real thing.
We have no sexual bragging rights by watching porn or masturbating–only by having real, actual sex. Therefore, to the human animal, porn and masturbation should cause evolutionary shame. It is something we should be embarrassed about, not because we are being bad, but because we are actively failing at life–or at least, at one important aspect of life we evolved to achieve.
Porn is For the Un-Manly
A number of intrinsically human characteristics distinguish men from animals–one of which is manliness. A dog can’t be manly. Nor can a bear, a mosquito or a herring. Only a man can be manly (or a woman or child who exhibits characteristics of manliness). These manly traits appeal to something else–something beyond nature, beyond our animals selves. Something human. We expect men to act better than animals. We expect a dog to defecate in a park, but when a man does it, we call the cops. We expect a dog to mount a female dog, but when a man grabs any nearby woman, again, we call the cops. Manliness is a Great Thing beasts can never have–a classy, manly man has standards.
Yes, he has cravings. He craves sex like the animal, but unlike the animal, he is no slave to his cravings. He is a man, and he masters those cravings. He takes his instincts and places them under the boot of man, making those instincts serve him, instead of serving those instincts. A classy man is slave to no one–not the government, not another man and certainly not to his body. He is his own master.
Therefore, to succumb to animal instincts by watching porn and masturbating violates a man’s mastery of himself. He submits himself to his body–to his animal instincts–and becomes an animal. Men of class can’t abide this behavior within themselves. They date actual women instead of looking at them, love women instead of lusting them, and marry women instead of masturbating to them. A man’s mastery of his most primal desires pulls him out of the mire of Darwinism and places him firmly on the pedestal of manliness.
“But”, counters animal man, “porn and masturbation keep me sane! They relieve stress and frustration!” This is the cry of a slave. If you need stimuli to keep yourself sane, then you are addicted, and you are slave to that addiction. You have not mastered yourself yet and you are an animal. The classy man doesn’t complain about not having sex, and he doesn’t actively pursue fake sex. Instead, he has dignity and he finds real sex.
And, of course, there are the social implications. Many women are hurt when they find their husbands watching porn, bosses are infuriated to find porn on work computers, and so on. Societal implications exist and should be taken into account. But with this post, my aim was to demonstrate how pornography and masturbation are unsuitable for men, even for the man who has no God, no wife and no accountability aside from himself, for evolutionary, manly and classy reasons. Even such men can at least have dignity.