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How To Be Classy

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Many of the top Google results for “how to be classy” are pretty unclassy. They include top-​10 lists, and brilliant observations like “don’t burp in public”. They co-​mingle words like “fabulous” and “hip” with “classy”, as if they mean the

Posted in Cars & Roads, Dress & Fashion, Essays, How to Be Classy, How Tos, Language, Money, Relationships, Society, Taste

#10 — Porn & Masturbation

manly man dates a woman instead of having porn

In a recent episode of Scotch & Smoke Rings, I was asked for my opinion on pornography which I duly gave. Since many were curious, I want to take a moment to explain my stance fully, which is that porn

Posted in Essays, General, How to Be Classy, Relationships, Society

#9 — Bumper Stickers

bumper-sticker-co-exist-exile-bush

Classy people do not put stickers on their cars. They recognize that the color of the car is embellishment enough, and anything beyond it is just extra weight. Bumper stickers don’t make the car go faster, and if the car

Posted in How to Be Classy, Taste

#8 — Yard Sculptures

Now this is a statue I like, for anyone familiar with Dr. Who. Maybe if statues start chasing people around, they'll think twice

Classy people don’t put fake marble sculptures in their yard or garden. The Greeks, as we all know, were the first to define class. When the Romans took over, they sent their boys to Athens to learn how to be

Posted in How to Be Classy, Taste

#7 — Sweatpants

Classy people don’t wear sweatpants, unless they’re at home, alone. We’ve all seen the corpulent woman strolling around the supermarket wearing what were once pink sweatpants covered in food stains (at least I hope they are food stains) with the

Posted in Dress & Fashion, How to Be Classy

#6 — The Word ‘Like’

Classy people don’t say the word ‘like’ more than once every three sentences. Continuous repetition of any word is very annoying, but particularly so when the word is misused, as is chronically done with ‘like’. There are three proper uses

Posted in How to Be Classy, Language

#5 — Never Argue Over the Bill

Classy people never argue over who picks up the tab at a restaurant. We realize that money can be a sensitive issue for some people. Classy people, then, adapt to the circumstance. If someone offers to pay, we let him.

Posted in How to Be Classy, Money

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