Script -- Associate Professor Evil Kills All Beggars
Scene 01
Associate Professor Evil
At last I, Associate Professor Evil, am ready to create a terrible concoction that will make me master of the world! I will find the most powerful herbs, crystals and magical components, grind them into dust and brew a potion that will transform me into a mighty warlock of incomparable power! Mwahahahaha!
Come Barnaby! Let us check the auction house for materials.
At auction house
Ooo, I’ll have one of those, one of those, defiantly one of those, a couple of these—
Beggar
Hey. Can I ha gold?
APE
What?
Beggar
U got gold? Can I ha gold? I need gold. Can I ha gold?
APE
Oh. Uhm, yeah one second… here, don’t spend it all in one place.
Beggar runs off
What, not even a lousy thank you?
APE turns back to his browsing of the Auction House
Bah, stupid beggars, infesting cities, too lazy to work, damn hippies demanding hand outs…
Beggar
Hey! Can I ha gold?
APE
What? You already asked me and I gave you some. Get out of my face.
Beggar
I need gold. Can I ha gold?
APE
That’s it, I’m going to Thunder Bluff.
Scene 02
APE is flying to Thunder Bluff on a zeppelin and mumbling to himself.
APE
Crooked beggars, get a bloiting job why doncha, mumble-grumble.
APE lands and gœs to the Auction House in Thunder Bluff.
All right, where was I. Ah yes, and I need one of those, and one of these…
Beggar
Hey, can I ha gold?
APE
What! How did you get here so quickly? No you can’t have my gold! Do what we all do; start a trade, farm some monsters, get a bloody job you homeless hippy!
Beggar
stfu nub, can I ha gold?
APE
ERG! I’m out of here.
Scene 03
APE is flying on a gryphon to Thunder Bluff and muttering to himself mockingly.
APE
Can I have gold? Can I have gold? Yeah you can have some gold, I’ll stuff it down your throat you lazy good-for-nothing bum, trying to take my hard earned money, grumble, mumble…
APE lands in Orgrimmar and gœs to the Auction House.
finally some peace. All right, there we go, my last ingredient! Now to make my potion… eureka! The most evil potion ever, mwahahah!
Beggar
Hey? Can I ha gold?
APE
ARG!
Beggar
Wtf nub? Can I ha gold? I need a mount. Can I ha gold?
APE
That’s it! I’m sick of you gratting beggars infesting our cities! This world is filled with opportunity, and yet you filthy bums would rather beg for hand outs than earn an honest living. Barnaby!
APE turns to his pet crab and pours a libation from his potion.
Drink deep from my evil concoction, so that I might use you to smite mine enemies!
The crab grows into an immense size.
Mwahaha! Now Barnaby, kill! Kill all the beggars in Orgrimmar, and I shall send with you all my hate, all my malice, and this… wheel of cheese.
He summons a wheel of cheese from thin air. Camera zooms in on his face.
Now kill them!
Barnaby roars and attacks. There is a big battle with the crab running around killing beggars. In one scene, many beggars run by. Then the wheel of cheese rolls past. In another scene, beggars jump in zeppelin to a hide. One asks for gold and the crab appears and destroys them.
The camera zooms in for a close up of APE’s face.
Yes, yes! Destroy them all, mwahahahahahha!
Fade out.
Scene 04
Fade in. Thrall is standing in Orgrimmar and speaks solemnly.
Thrall
It has been three days since all the beggars in Orgrimmar were exterminated by a horrendous monster.
Thrall suddenly becomes more jovial.
And we have this fellow to thank for it!
The crowd applauds wildly.
Thank you, Associate Professor Evil, for ridding our fair city of such a horrible menace!
APE
Ah, it was nothing, really.
Thrall
As a token of my gratitude, I want you to have this key to the city. Three cheers for Associate Professor Evil!
Hip-hip, *crowd* hooray! Hip-hip, *crowd* Hurray! Hip-hip, *crowd * hurrah!
The camera zooms in on APE’s face. The background darkens.
APE
Now that I hold the key to the city, the first phase of my evil plan is complete! Soon, the world will bow before Barnaby and me! Mwahaha, mwahaha, mwahahahaha!
END
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About OxhornI’m an author, songwriter and movie-maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn.com. Visit brandonMdennis.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness. |
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3 Responses to Script -- Associate Professor Evil Kills All Beggars
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^ “understand”*
6k_Enh_Shammy(Quote)
/gasp
…So, you’ve been “studding” this uber-difficult script and couldn’t unserstand the small words, huh?
I think that JUst MIGHT have to do with the fact that you’re a retarded person, for whom ENGRISH is a 2nd language?
…i think that it’s damned HILARIOUS that this message, about THIS tidbit of a script, would get spammed by a moron who, in all likliehood, was taking a break from standing in Orgrimmar and selling gold >.<
6k_Enh_Shammy(Quote)
I never realized his initials were “APE” lol
Plaguedrogue(Quote)