Script - Brainwash Thunk

APE

Yes, any moment now Thunk the ogre will arrive, and I will harness his power. No longer shall annoying players be able to defy me! Now, let’s see if I have enough turkey jibblets as bait… yes, this should be enough.

APE

Ah, good evening Thunk, I’m glad you could come.

THUNK

Turkey! Turkey for everyone!

APE

That’s right, we have turkey, pecan pies, and some spiked egg-​nog, just for you.

THUNK

Awww, you’re so nice.

APE

Yes.… yes… ah, um, here, do take a seat.

THUNK

Oh… that seat don’t look very comfortable.

APE

Oh never you mind that, it is a very important seat — the best seat in the house! Just plop your big bottom down here… that’s it, and let me affix these special, um… wristbands.

THUNK

Special wristbands? What they for?

APE

Eh, oh, well, only my most special guests get the wristbands. They signify how awesome you are. They don’t restrain you so I can experiment on you safely at all, heh.

Thunk

Oh I know I’m special. My mom said so.

APE

Ok let’s see, serum injector stabilized, potion thrasher normalized…

THUNK

So can I have turkey now?

APE

Huh? Oh, uh, sure. Let’s see, here, have this.

THUNK

Mmm! More.

APE

Ok… here.

THUNK

Mmmm, tasty! More.

APE

Gah, how much can you fit in there?

THUNK

Enough to break the outhouse later.

APE

Well hold on a minute, before we eat any more, I need to give you my special party hat.

THUNK

I love hats!

APE

Yes, you’ll especially love this hat. It has colorful tubes and flashing lights on it.

THUNK

Pretty colors!

APE

Wow, I didn’t realize your jaw would be so… thick… arg, that horn on your head isn’t helping any.

THUNK

Hehe, hat tickles.

APE

There, at last, now to flip the switch, and turn you into my minion, mwahahaha!

THUNK

Can I sing turkey song first?

APE

Uh… sure.

THUNK

Turkey is such juicy meat,

it is really fun to eat,

turkey is my feel-​good treat,

turkey legs just cant be beat.

APE

You know, I don’t feel at all bad for what I’m about to do.

THUNK

What’s that?

APE

THIS!

Switch is pulled, thunk screams.

APE

Yes, fry my little brain cells, fry. Be compelled to do my bidding, for ever, mwahahahaha!

THUNK

Must… have… more… turkey!

APE

Wait… stop.… how did you break free! No, don’t touch the helmet! You’ll ruin all my work.

Thunk screams.

THUNK

Wow, that was fun game Mr. Evil. Did I win?

APE

Ugh… yes, yes it looks like you won. Look, I have a lot of research to do so… just go.

THUNK

Ok, thanks for party Mr Evil.

APE

Yeah, sure, no problem. Hey, take this leftover turkey with you.

Noise

APE

Um… Thunk?

THUNK

Yes master.

APE

Woah. It worked?

THUNK

Yes master. What do you require master.

APE

Heh, this is so sudden. I feel kinda on the spot. Um… gee, what should I have you do? I know, dispose of this turkey.

Noise

THUNK

Bye Mr Evil!

APE

Wait, what? Oh.… TURKEY.

THUNK

Your orders master.

APE

Turkey.

THUNK

Have good day!

APE

Turkey.

THUNK

Yes, master.

APE

Hehehe, mwahahahah, waahahaha! Beware, world, for I have a new weapon. Lieutenant Colonel Virtue is back, mwahahahaha.

About Oxhorn I’m an author, songwriter and movie-​maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn​.com. Visit brandonMdennis​.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness.