Script - Dalaran’s Costume Contest

Oxhorn’s Halloween 2009

Scene opens with wide shot of Gadgetzan or wherever. You hear ANNOUNCER who is Believer.

ANNOUNCER

Welcome to (Gadgetzan’s) annual Halloween costume competition. This year’s theme is “Most Terrifying Monster”. We’ve already had some wonderful entries so far, but it’s not too late! Register your name for a chance to win the competition.

Scene switches to APE in his costume. OX walks up.

OX

Hey man.

APE

Oxhorn? Is that you?

OX

Yup.

APE

Wow, nice costume.

OX

Thanks, I put a lot into it. Yours is really nice too.

APE

Oh, well, it was just something I threw together at the last moment. How did the judges respond to your costume?

OX

Pretty good, pretty good. I’m sure you’ll win though.

APE

Oh no, no, yours is much better than mine.

OX

Thanks, but seriously, your costume will win.

APE

No no, you will win.

OX

Nah you’ll win.

APE

*slightly annoyed*

No, you’ll win.

OX

No, you—

APE

No YOU’ll WIN.

Slight pause.

OX

*resignedly*

Ok.

Camera pans out a bit to show their feet. Hat the singing turtle walks by.

OX

Well, if it isn’t Hat the Singing Turtle. Are you going to compete this year?

HAT

You know it gents!

OX

Well you’d better put your costume on quick. The judging is almost over.

HAT

Oh, I’ve already been judged. I’m wearing my costume.

APE

…What are you dressed up as?

HAT

A tortoise.

There is a slight pause.

APE and OX glance at each other and snuff and snort and chuckle a bit.

APE/​OX

Hmm, k, well good luck buddy.

ANNOUNCER

And that’s it! All the contestants have been reviewed by our celebrity judges.

Camera pans to the judges booth. The judges are Phineus and Hackey-​bub-​wuh. Hackey-​bub-​wuh waves.

HACKEY

Hi everybody! It sure was fun judging y’all this year. Wasn’t it Phineus?

PHINEUS

Terror, in (insert town name).

ANNOUNCER

All right… well, the judges have told me the winner. I think I can safely say that the winner has.. come out of his shell.

Camera pans to the three herœs.

OX

What?

APE

You can’t be serious.

HAT

Oh yeah.

Back to announcer.

ANNOUNCER

And the winner is—

Just then someone runs up onstage and interrupts him.

ANNOUCNER

(to the messenger) Oh really? They said it was ok? All right.

(to the crowd) One moment folks, it appears that we have a late entry this year. Judges, check out Mortuus—

Mortuus walks up on stage wearing a mask that has Perez Hilton’s face on it.

—disguised as Perez Hilton.

MORTUUS

Hey n00bs, I’m a no-​talent hack who makes his living attaching himself to celebrities like a leach. I’m a whiny little crybaby who calls anyone who criticizes him a homophone, rox0rz box0rz pwnt!

Camera quickly pans to the judges who stand there aghast. Then they start screaming.

HACKEY

It’s TERRIFYING!

PINEUS

Terror! Terror!

HACKEY

This is the worst.… thing… IMAGINABLE!

PHINEUS

I want to die! I WANT-​TO-​DIE!

They run off into the distance screaming. The camera switches back to the announcer and there is a slight pause.

ANNOUNCER

Well I suppose that says it. This year’s winner is Mortuus—

Camera switches to close up of Mort.

As Perez Hilton, the most, terrifying, monster!

The audience applauds. Camera switches back to our three herœs who are clapping.

APE

He deserves it.

OX

Yup, no complaints here.

HAT

A truly terrifying costume.

Camera switches to stage again, this time a little pulled out. stag leans into frame wearing Kanye West‘s face as a mask.

Yo Mort, I’m really happy for you, I’m-a let you finish, but Hat had one of the best costumes of all TIME!

Scene switches to wide shot of Kanye’s face with Xs over his eyes and Perez’ face with Xs over his eyes with the main ending title, Happy Halloween, 2009, as the credits roll by.

About Oxhorn I’m an author, songwriter and movie-​maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn​.com. Visit brandonMdennis​.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness.