Script -- Drunken Kodo Riding

Oxhorn exits a pub and then turns around and calls back into it.

Ox

You guys are great.

Friends

No you’re great.

Ox

No, you guys are great.

Friends

No you’re great!

Ox

No listen to me… you… you guys are great!

Friends

No you’re great!

Ox

Ok, ok, I’m great.

Oxhorn lurches off towards his kodo, which is sitting nearby, and he sings bits from The Anti-​Elf Anthem. When he reaches his kodo he stops and stares at it.

Ox

Hey there busco. Oh you’re so rough! Why are you so rough busco? And your hide is so leathery. Leathery hide! Hehe, you’re a leathery guy.

Oxhorn mounts the kodo and groans.

Ox

Whooo boy, ok, up! we can do this. Take it slow, just take it slow.

The kodo trots off and runs in a winding pattern.

Ox

Woah! Weee! Go busco!

Oxhorn hears a horn blow, like a siren.

Ox

What was that noise? Was that me?

Camera pulls out to reveal a member of the Orgrimmar Mounted Police chasing him.

Orgrimmar Mounted Policeman

Pull the kodo over! Pull over right now sir!

Ox

Oh no! It’s the Orgrimmar Mounted Police!

Oxhorn pulls over. The OMP walks over to Ox.

OMP

Sir you seemed to be swerving back there. Are you drunk?

Ox

Drunk? Nah, no I’m isn’t…dunk…

OMP

Sir, would you mind stepping off the kodo?

Ox

Do… do you know who I am? Wait… who am I?

OMP

Sir just get off the kodo

Ox grudingly complies.

OMP

Ok sir, now can you recite the alphabet from Z to A?

Ox

What? Sure… z, x, t, r, p, q… 9…

OMP

Ok sir, you’re under arrest for driving a kodo while intoxicated.

Ox

What? Shut up you stupid blit, you bloitting orcs are responsible for all the wars in the world! Are you an orc? You’re an orc aren’t you!

OMP

Sir, could you please refrain from expressing inflammitory remarks?

Ox

You’re just a stupid Orc, and you’re responsible for all the wars in the world!

News flash! A myriad of newspapers fly by talking all about Oxhorn being arrested and how he will apologize publically. Some of the newspaper names:

New Orc Times
New Orker
Orgrimmar fish Wrapper

Scene switches to Oxhron standing a podium, giving a speech to a large crowd of Orcs.

Ox

I want to apologize to the Horde for the way I acted last night. I shouldn’t have been riding a kodo while inebriated, and I placed myself and others in harm’s way. I also said some things that I did not mean and I deeply regret. I do not hate orcs, and I am not an anti-​orcite.

Alcohol has a way of making a man do and say things he dœs not mean. This is no excuse for my actions, however, and I am deeply sorry. But to those of you who are set on hating me, I stand before you a humiliated and humble Tauren, speaking from my heart. Have you ever said something you didn’t mean, even while sober? How much more likely is it to say something you don’t mean when your mind is clouded by alcohol? As a token of my sincerity, and to prove that I do not hate Orcs, I will kiss an orc right here, right now, with the world as an audience!

An orc walks up. Ox looks at her for a moment and then turns back to the mic.

Ox

Never mind, I really do hate all the orcs in the world.

Black screen slides down with a subtitle message, “Oxhorn dœs not really hate all the orcs in the world. But don’t be confused. He really dœs hate Elves.

Credits

fiN

About Oxhorn I’m an author, songwriter and movie-​maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn​.com. Visit brandonMdennis​.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness.