Script -- Orcs in SPACE! 2

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Scene opens with the title zooming in from no where set to the rocky music. You know how to do this.

After credits, Azeroth slides up and Dr. strange Orc and Dink are floating in front of it. Do the stars thing from Dr. strangelove, maybe here, or maybe later.

Dink

Wow. Dr. strangeorc, how did we get here?

Dr.

I dunno Dink! Weren’t we in deep space last time?

Dink

I think so! Maybe we fell into a wormhole.

Dr.

What kind of worm made the wormhole?

Dink

Um… a giant… space worm?

Dr.

I like it. Let’s go with that.

A giant space worm enters background via a wormhole and exits creating a new wormhole.

Dink

So this is Azeroth. *whistle*

Dr.

No, you’re supposed to whistle first and then say, “So this is Azeroth”.

Dink

What do you mean?

Dr.

Well you did it wrong. It should sound like this: “*whistle* So this is Azeroth.”

Dink

Oh, I see. You’re so very smart about these things.

Dr.

So very smart.

Dink

Smart.

Dr.

Smart.

Pause.

Dink

*whistle* So this is Azeroth.

Dr.

How can you tell?

Dink

Well easy, you can see the continents. See, there are the Eastern Kingdoms, there is Kalimdor, there is that mælstrom caused by kodo emissions, and in the north there you can see Northrend where Arthas is.

Dr.

Oh, I see.

Pause.

Hey, do you know what is on the other side?

Dink

The other side of what?

Dr.

The other side of Azeroth.

Dink

What do you mean?

Dr.

Well, Azeroth is a sphere right?

Dink

Right…

Dr.

So, we’re only looking at one side of it, and yet we see all the continents. This must mean that on the other side there is something else.

Dink

Woah… I never thought about it like that. You’re right, you know? I wonder what is on the other side.

Dr.

The dark side of Azeroth.

Dink

The dark side.

Dr.

Of Azeroth.

Pause.

Dink

Maybe we can find out if we sing a song.

Dr.

How will that help?

Dink

Dunno, but what else can we do? We’re floating in space. Not much we can do here.

Dr.

Good point.

They sing “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary”.

Paddy wrote a letter

To his Irish Molly O’,

Saying, “Should you not receive it,

Write and let me know!

If I make mistakes in spelling,

Molly dear”, said he,

“Remember it’s the pen, that’s bad,

Don’t lay the blame on me”.

Chorus:

It’s a long way to Tipperary,

It’s a long way to go.

It’s a long way to Tipperary

To the sweetest girl I know!

Goodbye Piccadilly,

Farewell Leicester Square,

It’s a long long way to Tipperary,

But my heart’s right there.

Molly wrote a neat reply

To Irish Paddy O’,

Saying, “Mike Maloney wants

To marry me, and so

Leave the strand and Piccadilly,

Or you’ll be to blame,

For love has fairly drove me silly,

Hoping you’re the same!”

Chorus.

Dr.

Nice work Dink.

Dink

Yes, that was great.

Dr.

Truly great.

Dink

Great.

The sphere starts to turn.

Dink

Oh look! It’s working!

Dr.

Yay! It’s working!

They both chant “go! go! go!” while the sphere turns. The sphere turns to reveal a really ugly face.

Face

Um, I say, do you two mind shutting up? You’re starting to get rather annoying.

Dink

Oh wow! It’s a face!

Dr.

A face on the dark side of Azeroth! Who’d of guessed?

Dink

Hi face! What’s your name, face?

Face

Pause.

Evan.

Both

Hi Evan! (both wave)

Evan

Now look here, I need you both to be quiet. I’m trying to have a snooze but you morons won’t stop yapping. Please shut up.

Dr.

Aww, give us a break. We’re orcs. In space!

Dink

Yeah, there really isn’t much for us to do out here. We have to keep busy somehow.

Evan

Well then maybe this whole thing was just a stupid premise to begin with. You’re insulting people’s intelligence.

Dr.

Oh, he’s right! We have the physics of space to consider. Like, how are we talking to each other right now?

Dink

What do you mean?

Dr.

Well, sound can’t travel through the vacuum of space. So how are we talking to each other?

Dink

Oh yeah. Never thought about that. Maybe we have, like, radios in our helmets or something.

Dr.

Hey, good idea! But wait, we don’t sound like we’re transmitting via radio.

Dink

*kshh!* There, is that better?

Dr.

*kshh!* Much better! Now this whole thing makes perfect sense.

Dink

Perfect sense.

Dr.

Sense.

Dink

Perfect sense.

Evan

Look, that’s not what I meant.

Dink

Hey, what about Evan. He’s still talking through the vacuum of space.

Dr.

Hey Evan, you need to change your voice so that you sound like you’re talking through your helmet.

Evan

I’m not wearing a helmet.

Dr.

…Oh yeah.

Dink

Boy, this is a tough one.

Evan

Now see here, that’s not at all what I meant. I mean that this entire thing is just dumb. No one wants to see two silly orcs having idle conversation. There needs to be space battles and explosions or something.

Dr.

But there can’t be explosions in space, since fire needs oxygen, and there is no oxygen in space.

Dink

Yeah, and we don’t want to insult people’s intelligence Evan.

Evan

And those stupid songs you sing! Can’t you sing anything written after the 1930’s? Look, you don’t know what you are doing, so just stop, please.

Dr.

What’s he getting at?

Dink

I think he wants us to sing a new song.

Evan

NO that is not what I want!

Dink

I have the perfect song! Feel free to join us Evan, if you know it.

Evan

…well maybe. If I feel like it.

They sing “At the Ball, That’s All” from Way Out West. Evan joins them and sings the yodel part.

Commence to dancin’,

Commence advancin’,

Just start a-​prancin’, right and left a-​glancin’,

A moochee dancin’, slide and glide entrancin’.

You do the tango jiggle,

With a Texas Tommy wiggle.

Take your partner, and you hold her,

Lightly enfold her,

A little bolder,

Just work your shoulder,

Snap your fingers one and all, in the hall,

At the ball, that’s all, some ball.

Dr.

Wow, that was great!

Dink

Truly great.

Dr.

Great.

Evan

Yes I suppose it wasn’t that bad. Course, my singing saved it.

Dr.

Well, good night!

Dink

Good night! And good night Evan!

Both orcs fall asleep.

Pause.

Evan

*smack*

Well at least they’ve finally shut up. But now I’m all alone. Where is that Outland place? Maybe there is the dark side of Outland that I could talk to. Am, am.. erm… *sigh* Oh well.

Evan gœs to sleep and the world turns around.

THE END

About Oxhorn I’m an author, songwriter and movie-​maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn​.com. Visit brandonMdennis​.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness.