Script - Secret Santa

Hat

Thanks everyone for coming to my Christmas party. I think it’s time to open our secret Santa gifts. Ox, you go first.

Ox

You becha. Wow this is a big gift. I can’t wait to see what it is!

Hat unwraps the gift.

…A… Tauren tail freshener?

Hat

Yeah! You attach it to your tail and it emits a fragrant floral scent. Isn’t it cool?

Ox

Uh… yeah… cool…

Hat

Don’t you like it? I picked it out just for you.

APE

You numskull, your not supposed to tell him that you picked it out. Did you forget the “secret” in “secret Santa”?

Hat

Oh… sorry.

OX

No… it’s great! Really. Now I’ll never… smell bad anymore. I guess. Thanks Hat.

Hat

You’re welcome! Ok whose next.

Mort

My turn n00bs.

Mort unwraps the gift.

W00t, some uber poison for my daggers, l33t!

Hat

Hey that’s the perfect gift for you. Whœver drew your name in the hat really knows you well.

Mort

I drew myself, lol!

Hat

What? You’re supposed to put your name back if you draw yourself.

Mort

I wanted a good present and you guys sux0rz, so I kept my own name Pwnt!

APE

Ugh, enough, let’s see what you got me Ox.

Mister Evil opens his gift.

Twilight themed boxer shorts?

Ox

Heh… yeah…

APE

What the grat is wrong with you!!

OX

Hey, sorry man, but the price limit was ten dollars and thats all I could find. Besides, whose gonna see it once you have it on?

APE

That’s none of your business.

Hat

Well, looks like its my turn!

Hat opens his gift.

Oh cool, a new leather wallet. I needed one of these, thanks Mister Evil.

APE

My pleasure, its a really nice one too, made out of genuine turtle skin.

What?

Oh…

Hat

…Wow.…

Mort

Lol this is awesome ftw!

Ox

Boy we did horrible this year.

Hat

No cool toys or candy or anything.

APE

Yeah, if only we could get some new Christmas presents at this hour.

OX

Hmmm, where could we go to find lots of presents with toys and candy…

Mort

I know. The orphanage.

There is a slight pause.

APE

The orphanage!

Hat

Great idea!

Ox

Come everybody! We’re raiding the orphanage!

They chatter as they walk off to rob the orphanage.

About Oxhorn I’m an author, songwriter and movie-​maker who lives in Seattle, WA. I earned my BA in history from the University of Washington and have been interested in arguments, reasoning, research, writing and history ever since. I’m best known for my animated comedy machinima movies and music which you can find at oxhorn​.com. Visit brandonMdennis​.com for more about me, and be sure to subscribe, follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Watch my weekly live show, Scotch & Smoke Rings, at 7:00 PM Pacific for more classiness.