Script — The Peace Circle

Hippy ELF

Welcome to our session. Be proud that you are here, for it takes courage to admit that you are imperfect and to try to better yourselves. This should feel like a safe place. No one here will judge you. This circle we have made with our bodies is a circle of peace, and symbolizes the harmony and good-will that is within all of us.

Ok, so how about we start with introductions? You there, what is your name?

MORTUUS

I’m Mort.

ALL

Hello Mort.

ELF

And why are you here today Mort?

MORT

My GF says I need to get in touch with my sensitive side. Something about not being able to relate to her emotions.

ELF

I see, and why can’t you relate to her emotions?

MORT

Because…I’m a man.

ELF

Ah, ok, well that’s a little chauvinistic, but that’s ok, there is no judging here. How about you sir?

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR EVIL

My name is Associate Professor Evil and–

ALL

Hello Associate Professor Evil.

APE

Uh yeah, well I’m here because I killed some beggars in Orgrimmar, and then Barnaby ate an Elf from the ACLU and… well my parole officer said this would be good for me. Plus I get out early on good behavior if I attend.

ELF

I see! Another beautiful soul trying to better himself, excellent. And you sir, what is your name?

THUNK

Me Thunk.

ALL

Hello Thunk.

ELF

Hmmm, that is an interesting name. How did you get it?

THUNK

Duh, either it is the past tense of “think” or my parents named me for the sound I made when I came out of my mommy’s belly.

ELF

Ah. Charming. And why are you here today?

THUNK

Because I’m ogre.

ELF
Mmm. Good point.

All right! I want everyone to release their bad energy with breathing exercises. Breathe in the good air that is generated by our peace circle, and breathe out the bad air.

In with the good,

ALL
(inhale)
ELF
Out with the bad.
ALL
(exhale, coughing)
ELF
In with the good,
ALL
(inhale)
ELF
Out with the bad.
ALL
(exhale, coughing)
ELF
How does that make you feel?
APE
Dizzy.
ELF
Perfect. Part of the transformation process is realizing that we are all the same. There are no races, no genders, no rich people, no poor people, for we are all exactly the same, and are equally in tune with the great earth consciousness.
THUNK
Me hungry.
ELF
Not now Thunk, we have much to learn about ourselves today. We are all one in this great cosmic pow-wow. There is no right and wrong, for such words are mere ideas that society has imposed upon us. You must understand that it is wrong to judge. Now, let’s all hold hands and sing… uh, what are you doing.
THUNK
Thunk hungry. Thunk eat Thunk’s lunch.
ELF
Is that meat?
THUNK
Uh-huh. You want meat? There is some for all.
MORT
I’ll have some, keke.
APE
Me too.
ELF
Wait! How can you eat meat? Animals are living creatures, no different from you or me.
THUNK
This turkey. Turkey different form Ogre.
ELF
No, turkey is a child of the great earth consciousness! It is wrong to eat meat!
APE
I thought we weren’t supposed to judge.
MORT
Yeah, I thought right and wrong were mere ideas n00b.
ELF
*angry, flustered*
Look, that’s beside the point, what is important here is that this Ogre is eating meat!
*elf stands up*
THUNK
*in a scared, timid voice*
Don’t break the peace circle!
ELF
That turkey was a person too! It had emotions and could feel pain! It is wrong to eat sentient beings, you evil, merciless savages!
MORT
I’m not feeling teh harmony and good will anymore d00dz, lol.
ELF
You are evil, you are an evil ogre, you killed that poor turkey and are now feasting upon its flesh without any remorse whatsoever! How can you live with yourself? I curse you! May your loincloth give you a rash!
THUNK
*scratching*
It already does.
ELF
Men weren’t meant to eat meat. We were meant to eat salads and humus. How dare you devour the flesh of a living creature! I will sue you and everyone you know! What do you have to say to that?!
*APE throws HippyOn and the ELF explodes.*
APE
HippyOn. Apply directly to a hippy.
*all laugh and cheer*
THUNK
Duh, turkey for everyone!
ALL
Hooray!
*credits*
About

is best known as his alter-ego Oxhorn, author of popular machinima movies. When he's not wearing suspenders with a certain sort of finesse, he's reading, writing, blogging, doing web design, making movies and more often than not enjoying a classy drink with an even classier cigar. Watch his movies at oxhorn.com and feel free to stalk him on Twitter and Facebook.

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